journal entry from 4.19.13
It's a paradox. God invites me to die, to go down deeper into the abyss of pain so that I might know Him. In contrast, Satan invites me to come up higher and gives me little frills of temporary fill. But it's fake. It's like that baby chick being pumped alive with food only to be slaughtered in the end.
Go deeper into my pain. Feel the pain in all its glory and in that very place of pain, experience the deepest grace and love. It's asking God to love you in the messiest way. It's allowing the sinner in you unravel itself before God – to be unmasked, unhidden and naked. That encounter must happen over and over again in the deep pit of my being. It's that place where my pain erupts in living color. It's where I encounter the Suffering servant and His cross.
It's a paradox. God invites me to die, to go down deeper into the abyss of pain so that I might know Him. In contrast, Satan invites me to come up higher and gives me little frills of temporary fill. But it's fake. It's like that baby chick being pumped alive with food only to be slaughtered in the end.
Go deeper into my pain. Feel the pain in all its glory and in that very place of pain, experience the deepest grace and love. It's asking God to love you in the messiest way. It's allowing the sinner in you unravel itself before God – to be unmasked, unhidden and naked. That encounter must happen over and over again in the deep pit of my being. It's that place where my pain erupts in living color. It's where I encounter the Suffering servant and His cross.
Each time I'm lulled into the
world is an inch away from my existing pit of despair. But paradoxically that's
where I'm asked to remain.
Wounds are healed in His
wounds. When I’m not honest with myself, I’m covering up my wounds and heartache
with temporal mechanisms of comfort.
It’s a paradox.
My own pain and darkness is the way to God.
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