more and more, i don't think i can go back to doing 100% church related ministry. i've been placed at this job to see the enormous mission field of the innercity high school. i cannot imagine not interacting with non-christians ever again. it wouldn't feel right. it just would not feel right. i could not go back to living the life i lived in college where life was 24/7 smallgroup, accountability and church. i don't have a vision though. i have this heart, but i am not seeing a bigger picture. i cannot see it right now. like, i cannot submit to the dream of counseling students alone or working in a public school. i want to hold onto a bigger dream of sharing the gospel message somehow and sharing the word.

i see all the pieces of the puzzle. it's a mystery. there's the piece of counseling. the piece of americorp. the piece of friendships built... etc... pieces of my past experiences. how do all these pieces fit together? i want to see how these pieces fit together to build the bigger picture. i know it'll bea while for this puzzle to be completed, but i feel that i have a few pieces that are meant to help me along to the next stage. this IS my last year of americorp, so it's normal that i'm looking for the next puzzle piece. i'm beginning to panic a little.