twenty-four going on twenty-five

I was looking at my old xanga entries and came across this entry I wrote when I was 25. This is a little bit of what being 25 looked like for me.

being 25
t - treasuring each passing moment (with students, rwc, family, etc)
w - weighing out different options (future, career, husband, etc)
e - entreating God's heart
n - needing to make baby-step decisions
t - testing of character and faith
y - yielding to God's timetable

f - fighting passivity
i - indecisions about everything (future, career, husband, etc)
v - vying for His glory as much as I can
e - ending "me" so there can be more Him (i'm trying)


I backtracked my entries and found this entry I wrote when I was 24. I think this is when I was fresh out of Ann Arbor. You can tell I was pretty bright-eyed at the time.

being 24
t - teetering, tottering
w - waiting, wondering
e - expectations growing (at times diminishing)
n - new beginnings unfolding
t - trusting in God's timing
y - yearning for clarity

f - feet getting wet
o - opening new doors
u - unfamiliar paths, unexplored grounds
r - remembering that God knows the way.

Somewhere in my transition to young adulthood in NYC, things changed.

The simple-minded heart I once had as a 24 year old transformed into a calculating heart. Uncertainties have become questions that incite anxiety and bring about an increasing need to control my own future.

Being a young adult in the city is hard, but I feel God calling me to remember the safety and simplicity of dwelling in His presence. I feel a rebuke coming on. Since when did I have bear a right to my life? What and by whom is my life dictated by?

Lord, teach me to live for you alone.

"...He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” They immediately left their nets and followed Him."