truth.

my new hero: soong-chan rah

i feel like he's spoken for a lot of what i've been mulling through in my mind about the church, asian-american churches, westernization...etc.

praise God.

my thoughts are everywhere.

read "the marks of a spiritual leader" by john piper. i feel that i'm growing, but i feel i can commit myself to the spiritual disciplines better.

i am letting go of my analysis of the future. it seems to make little sense especially when there is a great God in my life. i can do everything possible to figure things out. in hindsight, i have never been able to figure things out on my own. i'm content with whatever God gives. His plans always end up being a lot better than I could ever have imagined.

i can't believe 2007 is coming to a draw. did i grow as an artist? did i grow in my love for Jesus? was this the year of "red"? when i saw red paint being washed over the walls of the church, was that also a picture of my own heart? Christ's very blood the answer to each fall, each dark moment?

yesterday was 3 year anniversary "marriage". i forgot to celebrate it.

inner sanctuary

a small room lit by a hanging lightbulb.
two chairs - one table.
you sat across from me.
the shadows filled the edges of the room.

inner sanctuary.

secret dwelling place.

a fence is being rebuilt.

heavy

heavy raindrops are falling
muddy footsteps tread through this heart
can't pinpoint emotions
swirling around
emptiness
loss
confusion
tin cups of ice
red scarlet scarves draped over my shoulder
lips scarlet red
eyes hidden behind mascara
my heart is being towed away
my freedom is gone.

my heart is running late.