Friendship

Thankful for friends that God has placed in my life.

Underneath it all

One of my coworkers sneaked in a soda bottle (filled w/ coke & rum) into Citifield. "It's way too expensive to buy a drink at Citifield...", he explained. He described how he hid the bottle in his gym bag underneath a lot of crap. But even w/ his clever strategy, he got caught and couldn't enter the field.

After getting caught, he went straight to the parking lot, rearranged his bag and tucked the bottle in a bottom compartment of his gym bag. The guards were fooled and allowed him in.

How'd he do it? He showed me his bag. There was a lot of crap in there, but he pushed it to the sides to show me where he hid the bottle. He reached deeper into his bag and lifted up what turned out to be a secret cover to another bottom layer. There was a secret compartment at the very very bottom of his bag. It was the perfect spot to hide his bottle of coke and rum. He covered it with a layer of stuff and sealed it w/ the secret cover. You'd never guess there was anything beyond the "bottom" of the bag. It was so deceiving! He got into Citifield without any problems and was happily drinking his bottom of coke and rum.

The next day, the cover-up made me think about how I do the same thing, but with my life. I deliberately veil parts of my heart/life for varying reasons and most of the time, get away with it.

Instead of getting caught one day, I need to come naked before God, surrender my heart and ask him to do a thorough search. Underneath it all are issues that go beyond the issues I seek to hide. The scary thing is, the older I get and as memories fade, the bottom layers begin to run deeper and beyond my reach; I no longer have the ability to retrieve or rearrange certain things. Only God knows every inch and corner of my heart - even places that are unknown and forgotten to me. (psalm 139)

Maybe, that's why, when you get older, there are certain things you can no longer hide -- things begin to show up in your wrinkled countenance and seep out in ways you'd never imagine, your true colors come out and it gets harder to fool the people around you.

I try reminding myself to deal with the issues now. resolve them before your heart hardens. don't let the sun go down on certain things. knead the word of God into your heart through and through, over and over again. stop running and allow God to bury His hands into the bottom layers of your heart.

Lord, do the heart surgery!!!

Perfectionist

Just read this on Rick Warren's twitter:

Perfectionism paraylzes potential & promotes procrastination.Eccl. 11:4 "If u wait for perfect conditions,u'll never get anything done."

It's so true! I can relate to this because I am a perfectionist. What Rick said is the story of my life. Sigh. How can I change? Lord help me.

- An ailing perfectionist

Spring

This past year, I found myself in a dark cave without an entrance or exit. I didn't know how I wound up there and couldn't find a way out. In that place, every strand of faith and belief I had in Christ was thoroughly challenged and tested. Past experiences, past victories became quick-sand in which I could not stand. Areas in which I never thought I'd compromise, I did. Thoughts I never knew would pass through my mind came and multiplied.

Light is beginning to shine. Small rays of hope are dawning on me. The dead of winter is slowly passing and Spring is making its transition into my heart.

Something happenned to me this year. I went through a major crisis in almost every part of my life. My family life was the only steady part. Every other area was shaken up and brought me to a place of confusion.

Two different worlds

May 21st, 7PM

Me: "Sighhh.. what a long day"
Student: "Psshhh... whatever miss. You get in at 12PM"

Me: "No, not today. I came in earlier this morning!! I was here since 9:30AM"
Student: "Well, I woke up at 5:30AM. Been at work since 7 in the morning. You've been sitting at a computer all day!"

Me: "Okay, well I had to do a lot of thinkin' and brainwork today"
Student: "Well, I had to carry lots of heavy boxes and heavy liftin'. I'm tired as heck man."

Me: ....
Student: Looks at me like I didn't understand what he went through.

Two different worlds. Two different types of difficulty and work. I feel ya kid.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day began with mom and dad quarreling. I was lying in bed when I heard them arguing. Although I couldn't hear their exact words, I felt the influxes of anger and heat in the intonation of their voices. It ended with a slamming of the door as my dad left the house and walked to his car. The engine started and soon after, he drove away. They were supposed to go to church together, but mom decided not to go. Grandma remained in her usual spot on the couch, eyes glazed in silence. My brother's bedroom door was shut, almost acting as a shield for him. I did what I always do: begin praying, ask my grandmother what had transpired, try to make sense of what's happening and plan for the worst.

Yesterday, mom requested that I buy her a plant instead of the usual bouquet of flowers my bro and I give her. I picked out a plant that had flower buds, but no flowers.

Mom and Dad are just like flower buds that are waiting to bloom. They need love. There are not many flowers on display right now.

I know that with God's love and His timing, they will bloom and put the unbelievers to shame.