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Discovered an ipod car connector in my car (formerly my aunts car) the other day. I can now listen to my own music! It's a pretty solid one too; there are barely any poor reception static noises.

Took a day off to do some reflecting and seeking. I found myself driving up the block I grew up on. It took me through memory lane; it also reminded me of how much time has passed. Heavy thoughts, mixed emotions, ancient memories came seeping out. I thought I'd experience a rush of nostalgia, but it was a mere tap on the heart.

Visited the lake by my old house.Witnessed: shining sun, family of geese swimming in the lake, children laughing and tossing bread crumbs to them, father and daughter on the bench gazing at the lake, mother and son walking along, and myself sitting on a rock reading from Psalms.

Went to Starbucks afterwards. Read through Blackaby's Spiritual Leadership. First thing I read was about leaders having experienced dysfunctional family histories. It was ironic bc I had just come from my old home and was reminded of a lot of issues I still need to deal with. Time and time again, I'm always led back to the cross and my own relationship with the Lord.

I feel the Lord walking me through a season of growth. Help me to learn my lessons well, Lord!

twenty-four going on twenty-five

I was looking at my old xanga entries and came across this entry I wrote when I was 25. This is a little bit of what being 25 looked like for me.

being 25
t - treasuring each passing moment (with students, rwc, family, etc)
w - weighing out different options (future, career, husband, etc)
e - entreating God's heart
n - needing to make baby-step decisions
t - testing of character and faith
y - yielding to God's timetable

f - fighting passivity
i - indecisions about everything (future, career, husband, etc)
v - vying for His glory as much as I can
e - ending "me" so there can be more Him (i'm trying)


I backtracked my entries and found this entry I wrote when I was 24. I think this is when I was fresh out of Ann Arbor. You can tell I was pretty bright-eyed at the time.

being 24
t - teetering, tottering
w - waiting, wondering
e - expectations growing (at times diminishing)
n - new beginnings unfolding
t - trusting in God's timing
y - yearning for clarity

f - feet getting wet
o - opening new doors
u - unfamiliar paths, unexplored grounds
r - remembering that God knows the way.

Somewhere in my transition to young adulthood in NYC, things changed.

The simple-minded heart I once had as a 24 year old transformed into a calculating heart. Uncertainties have become questions that incite anxiety and bring about an increasing need to control my own future.

Being a young adult in the city is hard, but I feel God calling me to remember the safety and simplicity of dwelling in His presence. I feel a rebuke coming on. Since when did I have bear a right to my life? What and by whom is my life dictated by?

Lord, teach me to live for you alone.

"...He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” They immediately left their nets and followed Him."

Documentary

I ask myself from time to time, why I don't document my own life. Will I regret it one day? Reminds me of my mother.. she once owned a party shop filled with party paraphernalia, but never threw me a party. I look at my parents and my grandmother. They are getting older each day. Will I remember the fine details of their laughter, their hands, their voice years from now?

Great customer service

I was at Macy's today looking for watches. The lady assisting me did not ask a whole bunch of questions to figure out my taste or style. Rather, she gave me simple feedback, asked other customers to wait and gave me ample time to decide. I appreciated her attention towards me. I spent a good amount of time looking at two different watches. She could tell I wasn't completely comfortable with either one. "If you're gonna be spending 100 dollars, you should really like it," she said. "I'm like that too - I don't purchase an item that I'm not fully comfortable with. If I'm gonna invest a lot of money, I need to really enjoy it - especially if I'm gonna be wearing it everyday...you should wait until other watches come out. Valentine's Day is coming up you know, so a lot of watches will be coming out".

Her customer service was solid. She guided me in a way that made me pause and think before I made a 100 dollar investment. She wasn't there to sell me the product - she was there to make sure I was sold out for it. There was a personal touch and a genuine desire to see that I was a customer that was happy with my decision.

I'm a firm believer in good customer service. No one knows this about me, but I'm always making mental notes of employee behavior and customer service delivery at malls and at stores. Should you believe in the product more than you believe in the customer? I think quality customer service is exactly the words that make it up - serving the customer. It comes down to true service. It's a holy principle that has power to transform in businesses, malls and stores.

UMich video.

UMich made a video that has a brief clip of me from freshman year. I can't believe that was 10 years ago. First thought: I was so skinny back then. Second thought: They used me as an asian person. Anyhow, it's weird seeing myself in a video. Check it out here:

http://ummedia10.rs.itd.umich.edu/flash/mmd/mmd.html?dep=mmd&file=MSC_winter09.flv


I can't believe Prof. Williams is leaving! He was an awesome teacher.

It's 3:03AM

Lord, teach me to rest.

crippled creativity

Reader: you have no idea, but it took me ten minutes to write this first sentence. Type one word, delete... type a whole sentence, delete... repeat. What is this anxiety that builds up when I'm about to create something? The verbalization of a thought, the creation of something frightens me for some odd reason. Perhaps it's the fear of creating something less than perfect. A fear that my creation might be a quiet reflection of my own imperfections. Fear of failure. I've spent many nights spent revising,fine tuning video projects. But rarely satisfied.

In my professional life, I face another blank slate. As director, I have freedom to put policies into place and design a program. You are the director, says my boss. Fear of failure. I have so many ideas, so many thoughts, so many dreams... but my insecurites are squelching my passion. This gnawing fear kept me staring into blank pages, blank video project timelines.

Once I created, I'd start hacking away at my creation with revisions after revisions after revisions. Never satisfied. Fear of failure. Insecure.