Your pain
is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
K. Gibran
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I used to take long walks and talk to God. I'd say the most memorable times with God were when I was angry. Curses came flying out and I didn't give a crap about what was coming out of my mouth. My fingers were pointed at God for the insanity and darkness I was feeling. I wanted to know WHY and brought my ears closer to the Almighty so I could get an answer.
Growing up, I was surrounded by bickering, anger and violent conversations. Intriguingly, those things brought everyone close. I suppose that became my love language towards God in a strange way.
These days, I wonder what happened to our conversations. My love has grown cold. The anger has become nonchalance.
I brought one of my students to the Friday large group meeting at Times Square Church last week. I saw him receive blessings. He got prayed for by the intercessory team there because he held up his hand for prayer. He wanted to go back on Sunday. He said thank you for bringing me to the church. I said, no problem. But there was a strange coldness in my heart. I was unmoved. I lifted up a short prayer for him and trusted God would do his thing. Oh and did I say "I brought him"? No - I went to the church because I wanted to check it out for myself. He just happened to come along.
Growing up, I was surrounded by bickering, anger and violent conversations. Intriguingly, those things brought everyone close. I suppose that became my love language towards God in a strange way.
These days, I wonder what happened to our conversations. My love has grown cold. The anger has become nonchalance.
I brought one of my students to the Friday large group meeting at Times Square Church last week. I saw him receive blessings. He got prayed for by the intercessory team there because he held up his hand for prayer. He wanted to go back on Sunday. He said thank you for bringing me to the church. I said, no problem. But there was a strange coldness in my heart. I was unmoved. I lifted up a short prayer for him and trusted God would do his thing. Oh and did I say "I brought him"? No - I went to the church because I wanted to check it out for myself. He just happened to come along.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Underneath it all
One of my coworkers sneaked in a soda bottle (filled w/ coke & rum) into Citifield. "It's way too expensive to buy a drink at Citifield...", he explained. He described how he hid the bottle in his gym bag underneath a lot of crap. But even w/ his clever strategy, he got caught and couldn't enter the field.
After getting caught, he went straight to the parking lot, rearranged his bag and tucked the bottle in a bottom compartment of his gym bag. The guards were fooled and allowed him in.
How'd he do it? He showed me his bag. There was a lot of crap in there, but he pushed it to the sides to show me where he hid the bottle. He reached deeper into his bag and lifted up what turned out to be a secret cover to another bottom layer. There was a secret compartment at the very very bottom of his bag. It was the perfect spot to hide his bottle of coke and rum. He covered it with a layer of stuff and sealed it w/ the secret cover. You'd never guess there was anything beyond the "bottom" of the bag. It was so deceiving! He got into Citifield without any problems and was happily drinking his bottom of coke and rum.
The next day, the cover-up made me think about how I do the same thing, but with my life. I deliberately veil parts of my heart/life for varying reasons and most of the time, get away with it.
Instead of getting caught one day, I need to come naked before God, surrender my heart and ask him to do a thorough search. Underneath it all are issues that go beyond the issues I seek to hide. The scary thing is, the older I get and as memories fade, the bottom layers begin to run deeper and beyond my reach; I no longer have the ability to retrieve or rearrange certain things. Only God knows every inch and corner of my heart - even places that are unknown and forgotten to me. (psalm 139)
Maybe, that's why, when you get older, there are certain things you can no longer hide -- things begin to show up in your wrinkled countenance and seep out in ways you'd never imagine, your true colors come out and it gets harder to fool the people around you.
I try reminding myself to deal with the issues now. resolve them before your heart hardens. don't let the sun go down on certain things. knead the word of God into your heart through and through, over and over again. stop running and allow God to bury His hands into the bottom layers of your heart.
Lord, do the heart surgery!!!
After getting caught, he went straight to the parking lot, rearranged his bag and tucked the bottle in a bottom compartment of his gym bag. The guards were fooled and allowed him in.
How'd he do it? He showed me his bag. There was a lot of crap in there, but he pushed it to the sides to show me where he hid the bottle. He reached deeper into his bag and lifted up what turned out to be a secret cover to another bottom layer. There was a secret compartment at the very very bottom of his bag. It was the perfect spot to hide his bottle of coke and rum. He covered it with a layer of stuff and sealed it w/ the secret cover. You'd never guess there was anything beyond the "bottom" of the bag. It was so deceiving! He got into Citifield without any problems and was happily drinking his bottom of coke and rum.
The next day, the cover-up made me think about how I do the same thing, but with my life. I deliberately veil parts of my heart/life for varying reasons and most of the time, get away with it.
Instead of getting caught one day, I need to come naked before God, surrender my heart and ask him to do a thorough search. Underneath it all are issues that go beyond the issues I seek to hide. The scary thing is, the older I get and as memories fade, the bottom layers begin to run deeper and beyond my reach; I no longer have the ability to retrieve or rearrange certain things. Only God knows every inch and corner of my heart - even places that are unknown and forgotten to me. (psalm 139)
Maybe, that's why, when you get older, there are certain things you can no longer hide -- things begin to show up in your wrinkled countenance and seep out in ways you'd never imagine, your true colors come out and it gets harder to fool the people around you.
I try reminding myself to deal with the issues now. resolve them before your heart hardens. don't let the sun go down on certain things. knead the word of God into your heart through and through, over and over again. stop running and allow God to bury His hands into the bottom layers of your heart.
Lord, do the heart surgery!!!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Perfectionist
Just read this on Rick Warren's twitter:
Perfectionism paraylzes potential & promotes procrastination.Eccl. 11:4 "If u wait for perfect conditions,u'll never get anything done."
It's so true! I can relate to this because I am a perfectionist. What Rick said is the story of my life. Sigh. How can I change? Lord help me.
- An ailing perfectionist
Perfectionism paraylzes potential & promotes procrastination.Eccl. 11:4 "If u wait for perfect conditions,u'll never get anything done."
It's so true! I can relate to this because I am a perfectionist. What Rick said is the story of my life. Sigh. How can I change? Lord help me.
- An ailing perfectionist
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